Cuckoo In The Nest
by KJ5
Summary: S5 - Angel & Co. re-evaluate the past and come to a surprising conclusion with the help of Harmony.


Cuckoo In The Nest  
  
Angel was relaxed, watching a nature documentary on Animal Planet, when his office was invaded by Wes, Gunn and Harmony.  
  
"Angel, we have to talk to you now," Wesley said.  
  
"Can't it wait, I'm watching a nature special," Angel groused. "It's the life and times of the cuckoo bird."  
  
"You're watching cuckoos? Man, that's cuckoo," Gunn said, chortling at his own joke.  
  
Harmony moved over to the television set, entranced by the sight of a mother bird feeding her young. "Aw, those baby birds are so cute," Harmony said. Wesley's attention was caught by the show. "They're not cute, Harmony, they're nothing but parasites. The cuckoo lays its eggs in another bird's nest, and the hatchlings push the other babies out," Wesley said.  
  
Harmony was stumped. "I don't get it," she said.  
  
"Wes will explain it to you," Angel said, enjoying his revenge at the interruption.  
  
Wesley sighed. Angel knew how hard it was to install non-fashion related knowledge inside of Harmony's brain. "The baby cuckoo shoves the original offspring out of the nest to die, then tricks the parents into taking care of it."  
  
Comprehension finally dawned. "Now I get it. They kill off the real one and take its place," Harmony said. "Sorta like how Fred took over from Cordy."  
  
"Say what?" Gunn said.  
  
"Yes, Harmony, do explain," Wesley said.  
  
Angel merely grunted.  
  
Harmony seemed taken aback, frowning as she tried to concentrate. "Ooh, I remember, the same thing happened in the 10th grade when Amber Girardi moved to Sunnydale and tried to take over the Cordettes. Cordy had to put a smackdown on her, then she got eaten by a demon or something. It's the same thing, except for the smackdown, since Cordy's in a coma."  
  
Angel, Wes and Gunn stared at her.  
  
"Well Fred did take over from Cordy, didn't she? Before Fred came along, Cordy was the center of Angel Investigations, wasn't she? I remember when I came to visit her that time, everyone cared a lot about her." Turning to Angel, she giggled and said "you even threatened to kill me if I hurt her. Now nobody could care less about Cordy."  
  
"That's not true," Angel said angrily.  
  
"Really? When was the last time any of you went to see her?" Harmony said.  
  
An awkward silence fell. The men shuffled their feet and looked around the room, unable to look Harmony in the eyes. Finally Wes spoke, "And I suppose you've been a faithful visitor?"  
  
"I am too," Harmony said indignantly. "I go to see her every week. I read articles in Vogue to her and talk about important stuff like clothes and makeup. Just because Cordy's in a coma doesn't mean she's not my best friend anymore. You guys act like she never existed, but when Pavane tried to kill Fred you went postal."  
  
"Well, uh, the situation was different," Angel said.  
  
Harmony snorted. "Yeah right, try telling that to Cordy if she ever wakes up." She looked at Wes and Gunn. "Hey, didn't you guys used to be best friends too? Now you act like you hate each other. What happened?"  
  
"You see, we had a falling out over . . ." Wes's voice trailed off.  
  
Gunn looked at him. "Yeah, Blondie's right, English. We were tight, like brothers. Right up until," he paused.  
  
"You guys broke up over Fred," Harmony said to Wes and Gunn's chagrin.  
  
"Well, not as such,", "Hell no, we weren't," Wes and Gunn said simultaneously.  
  
"Relax guys, I didn't mean it that way," Harmony said. "Neither of you set off my gaydar." Wes and Gunn relaxed somewhat.  
  
Meanwhile, Angel stared out the window, lost in thought. If we hadn't gone to Pylea Cordy would never have met Groo; Groo wouldn't have shown up and interrupted me when I tried to tell Cordy how I felt about her. If we never met Fred, Wes and Gunn's would have stayed friends and Wes would have told him about the prophecy. He never would have gone off on his own to deal with Holtz and Connor would never have been kidnapped. Holtz wouldn't have taken him to Quartoth. He would still be a toddler, he wouldn't have turned into a psychotic teenager. Jasmine would never have existed. I wouldn't have had to take Wolfram and Hart's offer to save him. We'd still be at the Hyperion. Cordy would be by my side right now, not in a coma. It all started to go bad when we went to Pylea, after Cordy had that vision about Fred, he thought, appalled.  
  
Angel snapped out of his reverie in time to hear Harmony say, "You guys were a lot happier in those days even if you were poor. Gee when you think about it, Fred was the worst thing that ever happened to you guys."  
  
The men looked at each other, each thinking the same thing. Harmony, stupid as she was, had hit the nail on the head.  
  
"Out of the mouths of babes," Wesley said softly.  
  
Hearing his words, Harmony turned towards him and smiled brightly. "I knew you thought I'm a babe," she said happily. "And I think you're pretty good looking too. Maybe we could get together some time."  
  
Wesley flushed with embarrassment. "Uh, um, yes, of course," he said, squirming slightly at the thought of an infatuated Harmony Kendall.  
  
Angel took pity on his colleague. "Harm, why don't you take off early today. Do a little shopping," he suggested.  
  
"Sure boss," Harmony said. "Can I use my company credit card?"  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Angel said distractedly. Harmony left the office saying something about Rodeo Drive under her breath.  
  
After Harmony left, Angel, Gunn and Wes talked for several hours. They began to realize the subtle ways that Fred had insinuated herself into their lives, slowly usurping Cordy's place, turning Wes and Gunn against each other. For example, Wes was shocked to learn that Fred had let Gunn think that he, Wesley, had forbidden her to have a romance with Gunn. In reality, Wesley had merely expressed his disapproval of her idea that he should date a recently bereaved client.  
  
"There's something going on, and I say we get to the bottom of this," Angel said.  
  
"I'm down with that," Gunn said.  
  
Wesley picked up the phone, calling the lab he said, "Could you send Ms. Burkle up to Angel's office immediately. Thank you."  
  
Fred entered Angel's office several minutes later. Sensing that something was wrong, she promptly performed her usual disarming 'little-girl' routine. "What's wrong, Angel?" she said, giggling nervously.  
  
"Cut the act, Winifred. We're on to you," Angel said.  
  
Fred seemed shocked. She searched their faces, then, realizing the game was up, dropped the cutesy mannerisms and said, "It's about time you figured it out. What took you so long?"  
  
Angel glared at her. "We've been stupid. So what are you? Who are you?" he said, stone-faced. "Were you really from LA or was everything an act?"  
  
"I'm Winifred Burkle, and I did get sucked into Pylea. The rest of it, well, let's just say, I wasn't entirely candid with you," Fred said.  
  
Wesley noted that her demeanor had changed. No longer did she appear to be an innocent young girl; she now seemed to have aged ten years, for once acting like the thirty-year old she was. "You're a plant," he said, grasping the truth at last.  
  
"That's right, I'm a plant. I was sent here to divide and conquer," Fred said. "How did you think I survived five years in a hell dimension? My good looks? My girlish charm? When I landed in Pylea I was captured and interrogated by the Priests. They contacted the Senior Partners, who decided that I might be useful some day and they were right."  
  
"Explain yourself," Angel said. "I want the whole story."  
  
"The Senior Partners figured out early on that Cordelia was the heart and soul of Angel Investigations, and that without her, you'd be lost," Fred said, barely repressing her contempt. "So, to make a long story short, they knew that a direct attack against her wouldn't work, so they put Plan B into action." Angel was flabbergasted. "What, when?" he spluttered.  
  
"About the time Doyle died. That's when they started grooming me to play the role of the sweet little damsel in distress, guaranteed to arose your protective instincts. Oh, and they also trained me in the use of love-philters and mind-control techniques. Turning Wes and Gunn against each other, while slowly pushing Cordy out of the limelight was childs-play, and a whole lotta fun," Fred said, amused by their horrified expressions as they realized how they'd been manipulated.  
  
Fred continued. "Amazing, isn't it, how quickly Cordy went from being the center of Angel Investigations to bit-player within a few short months and nobody noticed," she said cheerfully.  
  
"I don't believe this," Gunn muttered  
  
"My god, it all makes sense now," Wesley said.  
  
"If you're curious, the Groosalugg was in on the whole thing too," Fred said. The others stared at her.  
  
"Come on, didn't anyone think it was strange that he managed to open a portal to the exact place and time Angel was about to declare his feelings?" Fred said. "Didn't that bad timing seem just a little too convenient? Like maybe someone didn't want Cordy and Angel to get together? You guys knew that there were higher powers involved in your lives, directing you, affecting your actions, and it never occurred to you that just maybe some of the bizarre things that happened weren't exactly coincidence?" Gazing at their dumbfounded expressions, she shrugged and said, "Apparently not".  
  
Angel finally collected his wits enough to say, "The Senior Partners had all of this planned since Doyle died? But that was years ago."  
  
"You forget that the Senior Partners have ruled Pylea for thousands of years," Fred said. "They're not stupid, Angel, and they're more than willing to be patient."  
  
"What about Jasmine? Did they plan that too? Why would they allow the beast to kill their own employees?" Wesley said, his voice rising.  
  
"Haven't you learned anything about the Senior Partners by now?" Fred said. "They care about the big picture, not a bunch of low-level worker bees. The Beast did them a favor. He cleared out a lot of deadwood and created a plausible scenario for Angel to be offered the LA branch of the company. If you were paying attention, you would have noticed that the Beast didn't kill off any of our major clients."  
  
Gunn sank into a chair. "You mean it was all fake? What about our relationship? Are you saying that you never cared about me?" he said, his voice shaking.  
  
Fred smirked at him. "What do you think?" she said contemptuously. "One thing I'm happy about, I'll never have to put up with your whining and self-pity anymore," she said.  
  
Gunn was instantly defensive. "What are you talking about?" he snapped.  
  
"Poor me, I feel so guilty leaving my friends behind to live on the streets while I have a suite in a luxury hotel," Fred said nastily. "Sound familiar?"  
  
Gunn scowled. "It wasn't like that."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, the only reason you joined Angel Investigations is because he gave you a steady paycheck."  
  
"That's not true," Gunn insisted.  
  
"What part? The part where you abandoned your friends? Admit it, you sold out for a room at the inn. And while we're on the subject, how about 'I'm not good enough for you because you're so much smarter and went to college and I didn't. Poor, pitiful me yadda, yadda, yadda'. Let me tell you, that got old real soon. Christ, I lost track of the number of times I wanted to tell you to can the pity-party. Hey Charlie boy, I know you were ashamed about your lack of education, but did it ever occur to you to crack open a book instead of complaining?" she said. "Geez, say what you will about Lindsey, at least he earned his law degree. And don't give me the 'We didn't have no money' speech, Lindsey grew up just as poor as you did and he managed to make it through college."  
  
She turned to Wesley. "As for you and your creepy Madonna/Whore obsession, I recommend getting professional help before it's too late."  
  
Saving the best for last, she said to Angel, "Aren't you the great, big, hero, champion of innocent, helping the helpless. Look at you now, moping here in your office, spending your days staring out at the world while your employees serve the people you used to fight. Some hero you are. You sure did a lot of good didn't you? First you got Doyle killed, then you got Kate Lockley thrown off the police force, then Darla was re-turned. You couldn't even save Cordelia, the love of your life." Fred paused, "Or maybe I should say she's the love of your life while you're in LA. I guess Buffy Summers is the love of your life when you visit Sunnydale." Fred sneered. "If you'd made up your mind which girl you really loved a lot sooner, you might have been able to save Cordelia."  
  
Angel had had enough. Calling security, he had Fred escorted to the 'Cold Storage' room to have her put away where she couldn't cause anymore harm to his team. After this unpleasant task had been performed, he, Gunn and Wes sat in his office, worn out by the days events.  
  
Sometime later Gunn asked, "What do we do now?"  
  
Angel spoke. "First thing, we use all our resources to wake Cordy. I don't care if it bankrupts Wolfram and Hart, we're going to get Cordy back. Then, we're going to figure out a way to destroy our best clients. After that, we return to the Hyperion and get back into the business of helping people."  
  
Gunn grinned. "Sounds like a plan."  
  
Wesley smiled. "Angel, about our clients, have you ever heard of the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre?"  
  
The End. 


End file.
